Anxiety & Anger

What is the purpose of anxiety and anger?

by Moriah Mason, CSW

As humans, we all have felt painful or uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety and anger. It is helpful to realize, however, that most of the time, anxiety and anger are secondary emotions. This means that they are reactions to another powerful emotion that we are feeling. If you can pause, take a deep breath, and then ask yourself “What is really going on here?” The answer is usually not that you are feeling anxiety and anger, but that maybe you are feeling sad or fearful. When someone hurts you, all the feelings you feel are valid. Let them guide you to how you are really feeling and have compassion for yourself. If you can imagine a child coming to you feeling scared and lonely and how kind and loving you would be to them, it can help you be more patient and accepting with yourself. You deserve to be treated that way as well. 

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a person’s reaction to a situation that threatens their well-being.  Anxiety symptoms can vary depending on the person and the situation. You might first notice the changes in your body-shortness of breath, a tightness in your chest, racing thoughts, sweating, trouble sleeping, tenseness in your muscles, or even a headache. 

What is anger?

Anger is described as an emotional state that arises from a difficult situation. Some signs of anger include reacting by yelling, withdrawing, storming out of a room, experiencing a panic attack, crying, or doing something impulsive. 

What is the purpose of anxiety?

Russ Harris, the author of The Happiness Trap, tells us that in many ways, our brains have still not evolved from the ways of thinking that our cavemen ancestors did. Cavemen were always on the lookout for danger because resources were scarce. It was also important for ancient people to have a community to survive. When we feel rejected, lonely, scared, or threatened we are activating those same parts of our brains that have been triggered for thousands of years. While experiencing these emotions is not a pleasant experience, they can tell us important information about ourselves. So what can we do with this information?

First, it’s important to realize that when you feel these unpleasant emotions- it is your brain’s way of protecting you. Our minds are always looking out for us. And while that doesn’t stop us from the discomfort, it can help us recognize what is happening. One way that I like to help myself when I feel anxious is by thanking my brain, as silly as that sounds. I recognize the emotion and then thank my brain for looking out for me. I would mentally or out loud say to myself “I am feeling anxious right now. Thank you brain for having my back.”

Lastly, let your emotions tell you about yourself. Chances are if you are feeling anxiety and anger about something, it means a lot to you. Of course you will be upset if those valuable things in your life are threatened! If you are someone who tries to talk yourself out of feeling your emotions or feels shame when you feel anxiety and anger, you can validate yourself by knowing that you deeply care about something. How lucky you are to feel passionately about people or aspects of your life. What a gift.

Feeling “negative” emotions is uncomfortable, but extremely important in order to move through life in a healthy way, keep your mental health in check, practice self-care, and learn about yourself. The next time you feel these feelings rise up, don’t be afraid to pause and acknowledge the emotion, thank your brain for looking out for you, and see what you can learn from them. 

Shame: What is it and why is it harmful?

Shame is defined as “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior”. It can stem from making mistakes, doing something that goes against our values, or embarrassment. It’s such an unpleasant feeling that it causes us to make harsh judgments about ourselves. Brene Brown has become a modern expert on shame, having spent years studying it. She has talked about how shame tells us that we are “bad” rather than we “did something bad”. Shame can be a very unhelpful emotion in our progress to grow and become better people. 

What can we do when we start to spiral with shame? Our human brains often default to criticism, but shame can increase the pain we are already experiencing from the mistakes we make. Here are some ideas for helping you not get caught up in this dangerous emotion:

• Talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling. Chances are they’ve felt similar feelings and can offer you empathy. Empathy helps you know that you are alone.

• Part of forgiving yourself involves learning from your mistakes. What can you take away from this experience to become a better person?

• Close your eyes and imagine someone you love feeling the way you do. What would you say to them? Can you repeat those words to yourself until they start to sink in?

• Remember that beating yourself up does not change what happened, it only makes you feel even worse. 

• Think about how you are made of many parts and facets. You are much more than what you did.

• Often our challenges overshadow the good things that happen. Make a list of the value you bring to others and to the world. 

• Allow yourself to feel sad for what you did but extend yourself enough kindness to remember that it is not your identity.

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Moriah Mason is offering weekday and evening therapy sessions at The EFT Clinic’s Millcreek location. To schedule a session with Moriah, email moriah@theeftclinic.com or call (385)695-5949.

Baby Blues

Are You Suffering from the Baby Blues?

by Carina Wolf, LCSW

Postpartum Depression is a type of depression someone might develop after the birth of their baby. It can start any time after the birth, and last up to two years. We also know that some individuals can develop symptoms during their pregnancy, which is called Perinatal Mood Disorder.

Is there a difference between Postpartum Depression and Baby Blues?

Baby Blues are short term, with most women seeing improvement after about three weeks. Symptoms such as irritability, feeling overwhelmed, weeping and exhaustion are tolerable, meaning the emotional instability doesn’t interfere with caring for the baby or themselves. About 80% of women will experience symptoms of Baby Blues.

Postpartum Depression, however, lasts longer (up to two years after the birth of baby). Symptoms are usually more severe, and can include excessive worrying, feeling anxious, anger, disconnection from family and/or baby, irritability, agitation, appetite change, sleep changes (not being able to sleep when baby sleeps, or sleeping too much), tearfulness, difficulty concentrating, guilt or shame. This can lead moms to have a difficult time caring for the baby or for themselves.  About 10-20% women experience Postpartum Depression.

Some women might also develop panic, PTSD, OCD and/or Postpartum Psychosis.

• Some signs of panic include feeling worried, nervous and/or anxious most of the time. Some individuals might also experience panic attacks, which can often feel like having a heart attack.

• PTSD might develop during the pregnancy or following a childbirth that has been perceived as a traumatic experience. 

• OCD symptoms can include intrusive or disturbing thoughts. There is usually a hyper-vigilance about keeping the baby safe, which leads to repetitive actions in order to reduce fear.

• Although Postpartum Psychosis occurs less frequently (in about 1% to 3% women), it requires immediate intervention. Symptoms can include hallucinations, inability to sleep, strange beliefs, rapid mood changes, agitation, irritability and/or poor decision making. 

Who is at risk?

• Data shows that teenage moms are at a higher risk to experience postpartum depression than older moms. It is important to note, however, that all women, and sometimes even fathers, can experience perinatal mood disorders.

• Individuals who struggled with mental health issues previously are also at a higher risk to experience postpartum depression.

If you or a loved one experience any of the symptoms mentioned, please reach out for help. Know that you are not alone, and that with professional guidance symptoms can decrease. Talk to your medical provider and seek professional counseling with someone who is trained to understand perinatal mood disorders.

Another important resource is the Maternal Mental Health organization in Utah:
https://mihp.utah.gov/maternal-mental-health

I would love to help, too! I am trained in perinatal mood disorders and would be honored to work with you. You can reach me by emailing carina[@]theeftclinic.com.

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References:

https://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/understanding-postpartum-depression-basics#1

https://www.psiutah.org/emotional-health/signs-symtoms/

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Carina is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at The EFT Clinic in Salt Lake City and Lehi, Utah. She earned her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, and her Masters of Social Work degree. Carina has great passion for therapy, and strives to provide a safe and non-judgmental environment where individuals and couples are met with empathy. She uses a client-centered approach to meet each individual’s needs. Using approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and mindfulness, Carina helps clients realize that when they know better they do better.

If you would like to schedule an appointment with Carina, please call 385-695-5949 or email carina@theeftclinic.com.

Get Therapy Right

How to
Get Therapy Right
100% of the Time

by Danielle Thurman, LMFT

Before I became a therapist, the image I had in my head for therapy was the typical client laying on the couch spilling their guts. The therapist was sitting next to the couch with a clipboard. I am sure you know the picture I am talking about. A problem I frequently see happening in the therapy room is that we get stuck on how therapy “should be.” When this happens, we frequently get angry or withdraw. Clients will oftentimes randomly stop therapy when having these responses. We miss a huge opportunity for change. The reason being, you bring your individual and relational patterns to therapy. What’s happening outside therapy most likely just happened with your therapist. Your response to life situations just became your response to therapy. The old pattern becomes more ingrained.

HOW CAN YOU CHANGE THIS?

Be open and honest with your therapist. Share the thoughts going on in your head that maybe you wouldn’t normally say out loud. Those messages are the messages keeping you stuck. For example, if you feel like you are failing therapy and want to withdraw, say so. Most likely, you have had many painful life experiences where you have felt like you failed. You have learned to withdraw from those experiences or even people. Your therapist can help you create a different response by leaning into it together. We can become the team and foundation of change that you are looking for until we can figure out how to bridge that gap outside therapy.

In order to create change, therapy will have moments of discomfort. Maybe even pain at times. Changing patterns means leaning into the unknown. Therapy gives you the chance to not have to walk that path alone. 

CHALLENGE:

Write down your fears. The messages that play in your head when something goes wrong. Share that with your therapist or a trusted friend.

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Danielle Thurman is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist at The EFT Clinic in Salt Lake City and Lehi, Utah. She specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families in distress to help them recognize the underlying emotions that haven’t been expressed and relationship needs that are not being met. Together with Danielle you will build a relationship of connection that will help you cope with these feelings of hopelessness or loss. She will then teach you the skills to help you break these patterns outside of therapy to create the life you have always longed for.

The model Danielle uses is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This model has some of the highest empirically supported research in helping with emotional and relationship distress. The goal of therapy is to re-build hope, trust, security, and connection. This method works for a wide array of symptoms like anxiety, depression, addiction, life transitions, betrayal trauma, etc.

If you would like to schedule an appointment with Dani, call 385-695-5949 or email dani@theeftclinic.com.

Anxiety Attacks vs. Panic Attacks

Anxiety/Panic Attacks: What is the difference?

by Cami Horrocks, LMFT

People often use the terms “panic attack” and “anxiety attack” interchangeably, but they are different experiences with varying symptoms.  Anxiety comes on gradually and is often better described as worry rather than fear or panic and is often about more abstract, uncertain threats. Someone experiencing anxiety is often able to recognize that their nervousness is unwarranted, although that doesn’t always alleviate the symptoms. Symptoms of anxiety include feeling irritable, restless, and having difficulty concentrating. Someone may experience the symptoms before and during a stressor but the anxiety gradually decreases when the stressor is gone or has passed. Anxious feelings create higher levels of cortisol in our bodies, which is the primary stress hormone used to fuel the “fight-or-flight” response. After the stressor is gone, the cortisol levels in the body should decrease, thus slowing the heart rate and feeling calmer and more regulated again. 

Panic attacks, on the other hand, create a rush of the hormone adrenaline, but not much cortisol. Panic attacks come on more suddenly and the symptoms feel more extreme. Someone suffering from a panic attack may experience feeling detached from their body, fear of being out of control, and often have a fear of dying. Their body is telling them there is perceived or imminent danger. Even if the person cannot identify the stressor bringing on the panic attack, it is an indication that something may be wrong. The physical symptoms of panic attacks can include sweating, trembling, a racing heart, nausea, the feeling of being choked or shortness of breath. A person can be diagnosed with a panic disorder if their panic attacks become more recurrent and they begin to experience a frequent fear around having more panic attacks.  

Long-term treatment for panic and anxiety:

• Medication

• Psychotherapy

• Diet and Exercise

• Journal-track triggers

• Prioritize sleep

• Mindfulness/Meditation

Immediate helps for in-the-moment coping with anxiety and panic:

• Acknowledge you are having a panic attack/experiencing anxiety

• Focus on an object in the room

• Close your eyes and breathe

  • Breathe in slowly through your nose, breathe out gently through your mouth

• Grounding/Mindfulness

• Reach out for support

Helping a loved one who is experiencing a panic/anxiety attack:

• Stay calm. Talk slowly and quietly

• Reassure them you are there and won’t leave

• Remind them the attack will pass momentarily

• Keep in mind that your loved one knows what’s best for themselves and what has worked in the past

• Don’t take curt or short responses personally. They often struggle to think or behave appropriately

• Ask before you touch. Some people are over-sensitized during the attack and touching them may feel like a threat. 

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