Connection: The Viagra for Women

Connection:

The Viagra for Women

By Mallorie Sorce, LMFT

Ever wonder why there is no such thing as a Viagra pill for women?

The answer lies behind the Dual Control Model developed by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft at the Kinsey Institute in the late 1990s: “The Dual Control Model of sexual response goes far beyond earlier models of human sexuality, by describing not just ‘what happens’ during arousal—erection, lubrication, etc.—but also the central mechanism that governs sexual arousal, which controls how and when you respond to sexually relevant sights, sounds, sensations, and ideas” (Nagoski, 2015). Now, this is where the science comes in, so bear with me: our brain and spinal cord (the central nervous system) are made up of many different partnerships of accelerators and brakes, similar to the pairing of your sympathetic nervous system (“accelerator”) and your parasympathetic nervous system (“brake”). What they discovered is that if this is true for our nervous system, then it must also be true for the brain system that coordinates sex—thus we have a sexual accelerator and a sexual brake. 

Sexual Excitation System (SES)

The Sexual Excitation System is the accelerator of sexual response; it takes in information about sexually relevant stimuli such as the things you hear, see, smell, taste, touch or imagine in the environment. Then, it sends a signal from the brain to your genitals that tell them to “turn on.” The SES is constantly busy at work scanning your context for sexually relevant stimuli including your feelings and thoughts. This system is working far below the level of consciousness, which means you are not aware of this until you are turned on and pursuing sexual pleasure. 

Sexual Inhibition System (SIS)

The Sexual Inhibition System is your sexual brake. Research suggests that there are actually two brakes that reflect the different functions of an inhibitory system. One of the brakes works in a similar way that the accelerator works, which means it takes note of all of the potential threats that exist in the environment such as all the things we hear, see, taste, touch, smell, or even imagine. It sends a signal that says, “Turn off!” Similar to the accelerator, the brake is continually scanning the environment for reasons not to be aroused right now. Some of these reasons may be social consequences, risk of pregnancy, risk of STDs, stress, etc. This is generally a good thing because it keeps us from becoming aroused at an inappropriate time—for instance, when we are at dinner with the family or in an important business meeting. It also hammers down the “off” switch if, say, your child walks in during “sexy time”. 

While the first brake is associated with fear of performance consequences, the second brake is associated with fear of performance failure, such as worry that you won’t have an orgasm or that it may take too long. This brake isn’t as touchy as the other so although it might be on, you can still achieve sexual satisfaction; it might just take longer and use more resources. There is no need to know which brake is being hit in order to figure out how to stop hitting it. One of the common mistakes people who are struggling with orgasm or desire make is the assumption that there is an issue with the accelerator when, in fact, it is usually that the brakes are hitting too often. 

So what does all this mean? 

We all know that men and women are different when it comes to arousability. Men tend to have more sensitive accelerators, while women tend to have more sensitive brakes. However, it is still important to remember that we are all very different and this can vary between men and women. For instance, some women may have a more sensitive accelerator than brake and vise versa. The reason Viagra works for most men but not women is because when men’s genitals become erect from the medication, it sends a signal to the brain that they are aroused and should pursue sex (but, again, this may vary for men as well). However, most women’s genitals do not communicate to the brain this easily.  An important factor is the relation between these two mechanisms and the aspects of each person’s psychologies, such as mood and anxiety. The goal of this is not just to understand what men are like and what women are like but also to understand that women’s arousability depends just as much on context as it does on the mechanics of it all. 

Context Is More Important Than You Think

Understanding context means understanding that although our body has natural reactions to sexual response, context also plays a huge role in how our bodies react to these sexual responses and stimuli. There are a multitude of psychological factors that may play into your body hitting the brakes such as anxiety, depression, stress, worry about contracting an STD, and worry about pregnancy, as well as past sexual trauma such as rape, molestation, or sexual assault… the list goes on.  Another important psychological factor may be the lack of connection or safety in your relationship. When we do not feel safe, we generally do not feel aroused sexually. Sex is an attachment behavior that reinforces the bond in a relationship. The sad part of all of this is that a lot of women who have issues becoming aroused or struggle with desire tend to write this off as “this is just the way women are” or “this is just the way I am,” when, in reality, there might be valid reasons and psychological factors holding them back from becoming as sexually interested and pleasured as they would like to be. The good news here is that all of this is completely NORMAL and if you do want to become more sexually responsive, aroused, or more easily pleasured, there is a way to work towards this. If this article hit home and you are interested in exploring your accelerator and brakes, therapy can be a great option. Additionally, if you and your partner are having these issues, couples therapy can enhance your connection and build a closer bond, thus leading to greater sexual satisfaction in most cases.