Emotions: The Not-So-Obvious

/ The EFT Clinic/

The Not-So-Obvious about Emotions

by Danielle Thurman, LMFT

When an emotion arises, our automatic response is to go to our heads. We jump into a story that goes along with the feeling. For example — if we feel lonely, we jump into a story about a time we felt lonely. We often don't even use the word ‘lonely.’ Our loved ones or our friends might even miss the real point of the story. We need help with loneliness. Instead, frequently, they jump into their perspective, which creates even more loneliness for us. We weren’t understood.

Why weren’t we understood? Because we are thinking our feelings away. Instead, redirect your attention from the thoughts in your head to the physical sensations in your body. Name them. My chest feels empty like there is a hole in it. This is loneliness. Breathe through the sensations and try to lean into it. Accept that it is there. Just observing rather than trying to change anything. It might be really painful at first, especially if this has been your go-to mechanism for a while. You might have some built-up emotion that wants to come out at first. Try reminding yourself that the emotion will be like a wave. It will hurt. It will knock you down at first. If you go with the current rather than fight against it, the current will pull you back up. Lean back into the emotion. If it’s too much, try doing it for 2 seconds at a time. Next time, try 5 seconds. The ideal would be to keep increasing this amount until you feel the emotion physically release from your body. This would feel like peace, comfort, happiness, relief. Your mind will immediately want to jump back into stories. Keep gently directing your thoughts back to your physical sensations. 

Conclusion:
Our emotions are physical sensations, not thoughts. We can’t release them without focusing on the physical sensations. By sharing the physical sensations rather than sharing the stories, we can create connection.

Challenge:
The next time a hard emotion comes up for you, try taking what happens inside your body to your partner or a trusted loved one. Rather than hearing you did this, that trusted loved one may be able to sit with you and validate what you’re going through. This creates secure connection versus a negative cycle.

 
 

Danielle Thurman is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist at The EFT Clinic. She specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families in distress, to help them recognize the underlying emotions that haven’t been expressed and relationship needs that are not being met.
To schedule an appointment, email dani@theeftclinic.com or call (385)695-5949.