“This is the closest we’ll ever be. This is our escape. Our secret closet, our letter of invitation to Hogwarts, our Death Star Run. After this we’re back to the real world, and from there the hill slopes down and only stops at six feet under.”
–Emil Ostrovski, The Paradox of Vertical Flight
What is a mid-life crisis, exactly?
Today, the ubiquitous term has become inexorably enmeshed with the image of a man in his mid-50s, a buxom girlfriend half his age hanging off one arm as he cruises the highway in a brand new convertible. That wasn’t always the case, however. First coined by Elliot Jacques in 1965, the idea of a “mid-life crisis” was quickly adopted by psychologists of the time—particularly Carl Jung. Jung asserted that the crisis was a normal part of the maturation process; the midway point between adulthood and end of life when people (not just men but all adults) evaluated themselves and their place in the world. Erik Erikson, the psychological theorist best known for creating the Eight Stages of Development agreed with Jung’s assessment, going on to say that the midlife point was an essential pivoting point towards achieving a satisfying and fulfilling late adulthood.
So, when did the “Big Lie” around middle age develop? How did the mid-life crisis transition from a normal part of adulthood into the idea of an excuse for impulsive excessive behavior and unrealistic life alterations? Is today’s midlife crisis a crisis at all?
Part of the problem is that despite being a normal and healthy part of adult development, this type of transition often begins with an overwhelming moment of revelation. Whether a single event or a series of happenings, this is the sparking incident that inspires the recognition of a person’s own mortality. For many, the sudden reality check that they only have a finite amount of time left can prove not only troubling, but downright terrifying. Reflecting on time that’s past and seeing goals left unfulfilled or dissatisfying life choices can lead to sudden feelings of fear, confusion, sadness and anger. It’s not uncommon to yearn to start over again or return to the places and decisions of youth. Sometimes the only relief is numbing oneself with drugs or alcohol—depression and anxiety are not uncommon throughout this period.
Crisis or Life Transition?
Recent research has begun to question whether the term “mid-life crisis” is still valid, especially in today’s changing social and cultural atmosphere. At the very least, it’s probably no longer fair to attempt to assign this transitional angst to one specific age group.
The painful, soul-searching what next questions traditionally associated with the mid-life crisis dilemma can strike anyone, at any age—just ask anyone who’s suffered through a major illness, financial distress, unexpected job loss, divorce, or the death of a parent, spouse, or child. And sometimes, it’s simply the very natural emotional response to years of accumulated stress and dissatisfaction with where all the small decisions in life have led you.
Much Too Young to Feel This Old
Perhaps the single most important reason to reevaluate the way we look at the concept of a mid-life crisis is the modern, expanding life span. When Carl Jung popularized the idea of a transitional midlife crisis period, he placed it around the 40th birthday. Life expectancy has shifted well past the ripe old age of fifty-seven since then, with many people living well into their late eighties and nineties. Considering this, the “halfway” point should probably be moved up a bit—closer to the mid-50s or 60s.
But actual research shows that the moment of revelation, the tipping point that sends many men into that mid-life crisis transition, is actually occurring in younger men. Depression, plastic surgery, angst about aging, and other signs of crisis are appearing in men as young as their thirties (Clay, R., 2013).
Consider a society obsessed with all things beauty and youth, combined with more and more years stretching ahead. Add financial and emotional stress and you have the perfect storm. Today’s men are virtually predestined to go through some kind of major transition at some period. It’s no longer fair to consider it a “crisis”. It’s not even the same stopping point identified by psychologists in the 1960’s. But at some period, people are going to want to stop and look not only back, but forward as well, seeking introspection and deciding whether they will be able to remain satisfied with the status quo for the next 30, 40, or 50 years—and more importantly, what steps they’d like to take to change things if not.
Taking Steps Towards a Positive Transition
Consider this: Millennials are entering their 30s and 40s. Unlike any era before it, this is a group of adults that is equipped to tackle the mid-life evolution in creative, effective, resourceful ways. This is a collection of people whose youth was spent watching corporate layoffs and the illusion of happily ever after wash away. Adversity isn’t exactly new to the next wave of mid-lifers, and much more than their predecessors, they anticipate pitfalls and challenges.
Once you’ve encountered the moment of realization that signals the mid-life transition, it’s important to allow yourself room to make positive growth towards a healthier, happier adulthood. Consider steps like:
Gradual Changes
The realization that you’re unhappy or unfulfilled in your job or career path can be one of the most difficult. Feelings of being “stuck” or unable to simply leave a job because of financial responsibility or time invested can often lead to depression or anxiety. Instead, consider a step-by-step plan that might allow you to transition slowly into doing something that satisfies you.
Live Your Passions
Finding time for yourself can be difficult, but it’s essential to leading a full life, especially as you begin to evaluate yourself and your place in the world. Whether or not you can make a career out of doing the things you love, it’s important to carve time out of your schedule to feed the part of yourself where your passions live. Honor your creative side.
Embrace Your Possibilities
Not only is most of what you know about mid-life crisis to be manufactured, Big-Lie style, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of, either. The idea that your best years are behind you simply isn’t a real one. Research has suggested that despite preconceived notions, happiness in humans may in fact peak in the sixth and seventh generation, not youth at all. Unfortunately, most people working through some sort of major mid-life transition tend to do so in silence—not talking about it with anyone and deciding not to seek out therapy on their own, either. Isolation and depression can make the turbulent emotions of this time worse, leading to much more of an actual crisis.
